2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
