I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
