I like my sex mixed with concussions.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
