Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
