if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
