My liver just broke up with me...
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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