i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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