you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
