You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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