i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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