So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I love having hate sex.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
