She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Randomize
