If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You ate ashes out of my bong
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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