Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
fuck your aforementioned shoe
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
