Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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