Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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