He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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