Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
