Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
