Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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