what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
