absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
