I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
