I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
