You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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