Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
