yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
