Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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