Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
