I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
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Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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