I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
