so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
