Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
