Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
