you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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