I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
