On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
