The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
