GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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