I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
