I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
