that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
