Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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