I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
