dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
