When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
