kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You are the jesus of drinking
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
