no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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