So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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