Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
