So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
