Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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