After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
