Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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