Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
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you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
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dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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