Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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