woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
