I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
its liver damage thursday
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