Will you blow on my dice?
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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