I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm sobbing to NWA
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
