why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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