So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
