i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
