Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
