I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed