I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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