his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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