He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
bring money and cleavage
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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