So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
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