ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.