Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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