omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
