On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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