The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
