I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
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