I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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