and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
