My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
