I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
