you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
