mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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