So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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