Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
