Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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