Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
